What is missing?
Visiting with mostly young men in correctional units across Texas, there are a few common themes that I’ve observed from their past.
[ut_icon icon=”fa-arrow-right” size=”fa-2x” border=”circle” align=”alignnone” color=”#1e73be”]No discipline or harsh discipline.
[ut_icon icon=”fa-arrow-right” size=”fa-2x” border=”circle” align=”alignnone” color=”#1e73be”]No modeling or improper modeling.
[ut_icon icon=”fa-arrow-right” size=”fa-2x” border=”circle” align=”alignnone” color=”#1e73be”]No love or no father present.
What’s missing can be summed up in two words, ‘abiding father‘. No ‘abiding father’? What’s ‘abiding’? An abiding father is a dad who knows his role and takes on certain discipleship elements. A helpful resource can be found in the book From Faith to Faith, defining and teaching about 10 different discipleship elements including: Loving, Praying, Modeling, Mentoring, Listening, Teaching, Disciplining, Blessing, Providing, and Protecting. Why 10 and why these elements? As an example, if you have been modeling good behavior as a father and loving and listening to your children, your discipline will be much more effective. How effective would a father’s discipline be, coming from an abusive one or one who shows no love?
Discipline your children
See ‘I Hated My Father‘.
Here’s an excerpt on page 63 of From Faith to Faith:
It only takes a few months out of the crib until you find you are raising a sinner. Oh so cute but oh so selfish. “I want what I want and I want it now” is most children’s attitude. Correcting this takes skill, patience, and training. “My daddy whipped my butt and I’m gonna whip yours” does not always work and neither does ignoring poor behavior. Left unaddressed, severe consequences most often develop, if not now, then later. I’m talking criminal in some instances.
Love and protection
So, dads, it’s not a fun topic to discuss, but if you discipline out of love and out of protection to help your child learn from the experience, they will know the need for boundaries and your discipline. As Connie from Colorado recently commented on Facebook, ‘…I see dads failing in acquiescing their duty to discipline effectively. Most don’t mind playing and being a buddy but when it comes down to the hard job of upholding behavioral standards, dads tend to either just hit or leave that or any unpleasantness to mom. It takes two parents to raise a child’. Wise counsel, Connie. Dads, it’s O.K. to be playful, but your role is not ‘buddy’. You know better than leaving the unpleasant roles solely to mom.
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